Monday, August 24, 2009

Cost Cutting.........

http://mail.google.com/mail/h/u72foiqn31ci/?view=att&th=1232891ec894d4d2&attid=0.1&disp=inline&realattid=0.1&zw

If Women Controlled The World......


cid:image001.jpg@01C9F421.C8C8A2E0

cid:image002.jpg@01C9F421.C8C8A2E0

cid:image003.jpg@01C9F421.C8C8A2E0

cid:image004.gif@01C9F421.C8C8A2E0



WHY ME EVEN IF MY NAME IS KHAN!!!! KING KHAN ON HIS KHAOTIC ORDEAL AT NEWARK

Dear Chums

After the unprecedented and unexpected reviews for my last piece on
Nandan’s Tryst with Politics (From an INFOSCION to a POLITICION), I am
back this week with one more scoop. That King Khan was detained in
Newark Airport for over 2 hours (or was it 66 minutes 58 seconds as
per the airport authorities???)

This became the biggest news of the last couple of days (even bigger
than the Swine flu or the impending draught or Raje rebellion or
Sehwag being sidelined). The media channels went into a tizzy,
detailing minute by minute account of what MIGHT have transpired
during that fateful flight checking in process.

As usual, I am a privileged fellow and got to talk to the Baadshah
Khan himself and got to understand the REAL story. Without much ado,
straight from the horse’s mouth...

ME- Hello SRK, how have you been?

SRK – Just ok my friend. Not in the best of things though. I am just
back after a tiring and a humiliating trip to US.

ME- I read about this on the net. What exactly happened SRK?

SRK – Nothing dude, I had gone to US to celebrate Indian Independence
Day. This was how it all began.

ME- Indian Independence Day in US? (Ignoramus that I am, I blurted out
that this was strange).

SRK – Boss, did I not tell you that I am buying a property in Dubai
which can be seen from the Sun itself. It requires money. Indian
Independence Day celebrations outside India rake in the moolah boss.

ME- Ooh!!! Of course!!! Of Course!!!

SRK- I had no idea that this tour would turn out to be a nightmare. I
had recently been to US for the shoot of “My Name is Khan”. Things
were all hunky dory then.

ME- My Name is Khan? The movie in which you play a person afflicted by
Asperger Syndrome. ..Am I right? What is this illness? I have never
heard of it.

SRIK – It’s basically a mental problem in which a person cannot
respond to social expectations or behave properly in public; basically
challenged at social interactions. I was just trying to come out of
the character myself. I was behaving very strangely for the last
couple of months when I was trying to get into that character.

ME- King Khan, we were talking about your ordeal at Newark ….I just
heard you on NDTV that the US immigration officers were asking you
strange and embarrassing questions. In private and confidentially,
what were they asking?

SRK- You are a close friend and I shall share the entire conversation with you.

The story went this way…

US CUSTOMS OFFICER – OK Mate, can I have your name please?

SRK- I am known by many names – Baadshah, King Khan, SRK, Baazigar…

US CUSTOMS OFFICER – Sir, do you have passports for all these names?
Please come aside. We need to talk.

SRK (a bit irritated)- I think you do not know who I am.

US CUSTOMS OFFICER – Of course, you are Baadshah King Khan SRK and
Baazigar. Please come into this room (indicating towards the
direction).

SRK – Stretching his arms wide across (his trade mark style), he he
hehe… you are making a big mistake. I am an actor from India and a
damn well known one at that.

US CUSTOMS OFFICER – Yes of course, we know that. Your passport says
that your profession is ACTING. Can I ask you when the last time you
ever ACTED on screen was? (this was the strange and embarrassing
question!!!)

SRK – Well, I just had a big release and a big hit called Rab Ne Banaayi Jodi.

CUSTOMS – That’s a lie. The movie was horrible. You were horrible. The
female in the movie was horrible. You are not answering our questions
honestly, Mr. Khan.

SRK – This is damn embarrassing!!! How dare you insult my acting
skills!!!! I am not going to take this lightly.

CUSTOMS – Mate, I can give you a damn good advice. You stretch your
arms out in perfect horizontal plane. You do that pose in each of your
movie. With skills like that, you can help the aviation industry. Try
doing the hangar engineer’s direction boy’s role. It would suit you
more.

SRK (by now, completely aghast and angry)- Can I make some calls
please? I shall show you who and what I am!!! (lights up a cigarette
in a non smoking airport)

CUSTOMS - Excuse me Mr. Khan, you cannot smoke here. This is illegal.

SRK- You guys are making me lose my patience. I am tensed and
irritated. It’s been more than 2 hours of grilling.

CUSTOMS – I think you are mistaken sir!!! You are inside this room for
precisely 60 minutes now and you will be ushered out in next 5 mins.

SRK – Dude, you are wearing a lousy Chinese Casio watch. I am wearing
a Tag Heuer. I am the brand ambassador for this watch. Do not doubt
the time on my watch.

CUSTOMS (now clearly bored of their celebrity guest)- Fine sir, you
have been here for 2 hours. Is that fine? Can you please extinguish
your cigarette now?

SRK (complying to their request)- You will be hearing from some big
guns now. You have no idea of who you have messed with.

The customs officers, one by one stand with the Baadshah and get their
photos taken. To be shown back to their Indian friends and
colleagues!!!! King Khan obliges them (in spite of all the initial
irritations).

SRK- If this is all that you guys wanted, why did you make me wait and
why did you insult me?

CUSTOMS OFFICER – We got intimation that your luggage was misplaced
and sent to some other baggage retrieval port. It would have taken
some time for that to come up. We thought of some harmless time pass.

But we are highly impressed of your acting abilities. We were trying
to gauge whether you were still in your Asperger Syndrome act. You
have passed with flying colours!!!!

SRK – That s because MY NAME IS STILL KHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Difference between Onsite & Offshore....(S/W Engineer Spetial)

{OFFSHORE}


{ ONSITE }

Monday, August 17, 2009

ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh...............sssshhhhhhiiiiiittttttttttttt..........



















The Judgement Day.....

The new questions tailors are asking while stitching trousers since Delhi High Court judgement on 377 laws?

















Sir, Zip aage hi lagaun ya peeche bhi???

Chandrashekhar Subramaniyam - Very Intelligent Boy

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, 'Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me liberty, or give me death'?

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:

'Patrick Henry, 1775', he said.

'Very good!'

Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?'

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar.

'Abraham Lincoln, 1863', said Chandrasekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about it’s history than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: 'F**k the Indians.'

'Who said that?' she demanded.

Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?'

Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'Al Gore to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'

Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, 'Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004.'

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh sh*t, we're f**ked!'

And Chandrasekhar said quietly, ‘I think it was George Bush, Iraq, 2007’

Small Jokes - Light Refreshner

Naukrani: "Malkin! Chote Baba Ne Cockroach Kha Lia hai."

>> Malkin: "Oh God!Call Doctor Fast"

>> Naukrani: "Aap Tension Na Lo .. Maine Chote Baba Ko BAYGON Pila dia
hai."


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------




>> Pappu Ne Jalte Hue Makan Se 6 Logo Ko Apni Jaan Pe Khelkar Bahar
Nikala

>> Fir Bhi Usko Jail Ho Gayi

>> Kyun....

>> Kyun..Ki Vo Sab Firebrigade Wale The


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------


>> Santa-Oye!what R U doing?

>> Banta-Recording this baby’s voice.

>> Santa-Why?

>> Banta- When he grows up, I shall ask him what he meant by this


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------

>> Wife: I hate the beggar who came yesterday!

>> Husband: Why??

>> Wife: I gave him food yesterday & today he gifted me a book "How to Cook"!!

>>


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------


>> Santa ki ladai apne baap se ho gayi

>> To usne apne baap ki photo kabristan me 1 ped pe latka diya

>> Aur Niche Likha

>> "COMING SOON"


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------


>> A man calls his wife through an !dea mobile.

>> But the call goes to another woman.

>> They loved & got married..

>> Moral: an !dea can change ur wife


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------


>> A lawyer sent an overdue bill to a client with a note "This Bill is one year old"

>> He got his bill bak with a note that read"Happy Birthday!"


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------

>> SARDAR:- Yar iska matlab kya hota hai, "I AM GOING"?

>> FRIEND:- Main jaa raha hun.

>> SARDAR:- Saaley, aise kaise jayega, 20 aur bhi aise ja chuke hain....answer bata ke jaa..


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------


>> Santa went to temple & saw people puting coin in box & praying

>> Santa: Wow! How amazing. People are talking to God through coin phone without receiver


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------


>> Ek Aadmi Kabar Pe Baitha Tha ..Musafir Ne Pucha, "Darr Nahi Lagta?"

>> Aadmi- "Darne Ki Kya Baat Hai , Andar Garmi Lag Rahi Thi Thodi Der Bahar Aa Gaya."


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------


>> Bin Laden's son was studing in an American school.

>> Teacher asked him, " I have 4 apples, how can I share it among 5 children"

>> He answerd, "KILL ONE"


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------


>> Waiter gives bill to Sardar

>> Sardar: "Take my card."

>> Waiter: "But sir, this is Ration Card."

>> Sardar: "So what? U have writen outside

>> "ALL CARDS ACCEPTED"...

Vodafone - Always Happy To Help


Someone is Apologizing …….



.

.

.

.

.

Everything Is Ok...



Tiger Vs. Monkey – Decide, who is superpower?

Add This

Bookmark and Share

Adv 3

FEEDJIT Recommended Reading

Buy it and Enjoy IT

Subscribe via email

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner