Smile
Pritesh Gandhi.
Pritesh Gandhi.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Friendship works out
Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour,
or a day, or a year,but eventually it will subside and
something else will take its place.If I quit,
however, it lasts forever.
or a day, or a year,but eventually it will subside and
something else will take its place.If I quit,
however, it lasts forever.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Funny SMS on Sardarji
Santa - How has your tooth became blue?
Banta - Man I have put ink on it.
Santa - Why?
Banta - Bcoz it blue tooth generation.
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Santa: O paji apne bangala to bada accha banaya hai lekin bath tub bada chota hai.
Banta: Oye khote tu phir se latrin me naha kar aa gaya.
Valentine's Day Dream
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".
Some Smart Reply Jokes
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got myself two girlfriends.
************
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
************
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
*************
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."
This is Why I Hate Football
I have never liked football bcoz of indecent things happening on the field. Chk out the pics below if u don't trust me.
An Extremely Funny Essay - Real - Must Read
Oh, i never knew that writing an essay is so easy before i read this. A must read essay by everyone. Click on the image to for larger redable view..
Some Maths Tips That Will Make You Mad
Maths is very easy subject. I don't understand why students are scared of maths. Well, i m providing you some tips for maths here... (don't get mad after getting these tips)
Sardars Are Not Stupid
80,000 sardars meet in the Gurunanak stadium, for a "Sardars Are Not Stupid" Convention.
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that Sardars are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A sardar gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds he says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.
Then 80,000 sardars start cheering, "Give him another chance! Please give him another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 sardars in one place. We have the worldwide press and global broadcast media here. I guess we can give him another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds he eventually Says, "Nine?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh - everyone is disheartened. The leader starts crying and the 80,000 sardars begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance What is 2 plus 2?"
The sardar closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 surdies jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...
saying ...
...can you guess what they said?
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that Sardars are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A sardar gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds he says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.
Then 80,000 sardars start cheering, "Give him another chance! Please give him another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 sardars in one place. We have the worldwide press and global broadcast media here. I guess we can give him another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds he eventually Says, "Nine?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh - everyone is disheartened. The leader starts crying and the 80,000 sardars begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance What is 2 plus 2?"
The sardar closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 surdies jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...
saying ...
...can you guess what they said?
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!
Four Advantages of Breast Milk
Little Johnny - not well-prepared - sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed, "Give four advantages of breast milk."
What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head,
hoping for the best:
1. No need to boil.
2. Cats can't steal it.
3. Available whenever necessary.
Um. So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again,
what to write? Once more he sighed. He frowned. He scowled. Then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly he scribbled his definitive
answer:
4. Available in attractive containers .
Women : After Marriage
I have alwayz wondered why people say "Aurat shaadi ke baad Durga ka roop dharan kar leti hai" (women behaves like Lord Durga after marriage)... Now i understand why they say so...
(click on the pic if animation is not working)
Full Form of Top IT Companies
1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT
2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.
20. MASTEK: Mad And Stupid Technitians Enroute to Kabaarkhana
21.PATNI : Pathetic Appraisal Techniques, No Increments
2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.
20. MASTEK: Mad And Stupid Technitians Enroute to Kabaarkhana
21.PATNI : Pathetic Appraisal Techniques, No Increments
Don't Get CONFUSED !!
Ques. 1 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
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A TOMATO....... AND THE TRING TRING TRING WAS TO CONFUSE YOU......
Anyways... Here s one more....
Ques 2 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
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A : The DOOR BELL and the RED was to CONFUSE you......
Anyways... Here s one more....
Ques 3 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
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A CAKE .... and both were to confuse you....
Anyways... Here's one more....
Ques 4 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
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A Fire Brigade
WHY R U CONFUSED
Funny Marriage Related Q's and A's
Q : If marriages are made in heaven , then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage
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Q : During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom is made to sit on the horse ?
Ans : He is given his last chance to run away.
Experience of My Life is Moral 4 U : funny funny funny
A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..
__________________
The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born....until you fall in love
_________________
I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!
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True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow
How To Find LOST Wife
A MAN APPROACED A VERY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN A LARGE SUPER MARKET AND SAID.
"YOU KNOW I HAVE LOST MY WIFE HERE IN THE SUPERMARKET. CAN YOU PLEASE TALK TO ME FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES/"
"BUT HOWS THAT GOING TO HELP ?" ASKED THE WOMAN
WELL REPLIED THE MAN " BECAUSE EVERY TIME I TALK TO A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, MY WIFE APPEARS OUT OF NO WHERE "
Innocent Boy and His Parents
A little boy wakes up three nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents' bedroom. Finally, one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him."
His mom is taken by surprise and says. "Oh... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."
The boy says, "That won't work."
His mom says, "Why?"
The boy replies. "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"
His mom is taken by surprise and says. "Oh... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."
The boy says, "That won't work."
His mom says, "Why?"
The boy replies. "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"
Multinational Companies Selling Condom
See what happens to the punch line if all the big multinationals start selling condoms .........
Pepsodent Condom -- Raat Bhar Dhishum Dhishum
Colgate Condom -- Yeh Hai Hamara Suraksha Chakra
Nokia Condoms -- Connecting People
Mrf Condoms -- Extra Rubber Extra Mileage
Moov Condoms -- Ah Se Ahaa Tak
Mirinda Condom -- Zor Ka Jhatka Dhire Se Lage
Lux Condoms -- Filmi Sitaron Ki Pasand
Philips Condom -- Lets Make Things Better
Onida Condom -- Neighbours Envy Owners Pride
Thumps Up Condom -- Taste The Thunder
Coca Cola Condom -- Eat Condom,Sleep Condom Wear Only Coca Cola Condom
Rotomac Condom -- Sabkuch Dikhta Hai
Amul Condom -- A Gift For Someone You Love
Bagpiper Condom -- Khub Jamega Rang Jab Milenge Teen Yaar Mai Aap Aur Bagpipier Condom
Panama Condom -- Nothing Between You And Me
Seimens Condom -- Communication Unlimited.
Cadbury(Flavoured) Condom -- Asli Swad Jindagi Ka
Prestige Cooker Condom -- Jo Biwi Se Kare Pyare Woh Condom Se Kaise Kare
Inkar
and the winner slogan is
POLO CONDOM -- A CONDOM WITH A HOLE
Surprise Gift For Wife on Her B'day
The wife was very unhappy with her car and complained a lot to her husband:
Knowing her birthday was coming up shortly, she said to her husband...
'Buy me a surprise for my birthday!' she said. 'Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!'
Happy and excited she was counting down the days to her birthday.
And on the day she finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully bought....
Knowing her birthday was coming up shortly, she said to her husband...
'Buy me a surprise for my birthday!' she said. 'Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!'
Happy and excited she was counting down the days to her birthday.
And on the day she finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully bought....
Munnabhai and Circuit Jokes
CIRCUIT : Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai. Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.
MUNNA BHAI : Aye Circuit, woh Sunita ka baap aya hai terayko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT : Bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai, kheti karneko.
MUNNA BHAI : Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.
CIRCUIT : Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.
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CIRCUIT : Bhai, woh apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla aaj raat ko dinner pe. Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.
MUNNABHAI : Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?
CIRCUIT : Nehin Bhai, woh apnay chain pechan lega.
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MUNNA BHAI : Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT : Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI : Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT : Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.
MUNNA BHAI : Aye Circuit, woh Sunita ka baap aya hai terayko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT : Bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai, kheti karneko.
MUNNA BHAI : Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.
CIRCUIT : Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.
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CIRCUIT : Bhai, woh apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla aaj raat ko dinner pe. Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.
MUNNABHAI : Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?
CIRCUIT : Nehin Bhai, woh apnay chain pechan lega.
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MUNNA BHAI : Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT : Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI : Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT : Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.
Clever Confession...
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman for the
last three weekends."
Father Donavon asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, 'tis I."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"I can't be telling you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell
me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say Father, please."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Brydie Sharon?"
"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."
"Was it Mary Catherine Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed, Father."
"Was it Fiona McDonald then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy,
and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend
church for three months. Be off with you now."
Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers,
"What'd you get?"
"Three month's vacation and five good leads."
last three weekends."
Father Donavon asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, 'tis I."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"I can't be telling you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell
me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say Father, please."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Brydie Sharon?"
"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."
"Was it Mary Catherine Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed, Father."
"Was it Fiona McDonald then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy,
and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend
church for three months. Be off with you now."
Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers,
"What'd you get?"
"Three month's vacation and five good leads."
Email to Widow.......
A man checked into a hotel . There was a computer in his room , so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife . However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.Meanwhile.....somewhere in Gyaneshwor, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail , expecting messages from relatives and friends.After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen…..!!!!!
Which Read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 16 May 2002
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
Which Read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 16 May 2002
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
Ramayana in the Words of Young Indian US
A young second generation Indian in the US was asked by his mother to explain the significance of Diwali" to his younger brother, this is how he went about it............
"
So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or something...
Since he was going, for like, something like more than 10 years or so.. He decided to get his wife and his bro along... you know...so that they Could all chill out together. But DUDE, the forest was reeeeal scary shit... really man...they had monkeys and devils and shit like that. But this dude,Ram, kicked ass with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine.
But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, was our man, and also his bro, Laxman, pissed... And you DON't piss this son-of-a-gun cuz, he just kicks ass And like...,all the gods were with him.. So anyways,you don't mess with gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys..Dude, don't ask me how They trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok... so, Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood.
Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest..and anyways...it gets kinda boring,you know... no TV or malls or shit like that. So, they decided to hitch a ride back home... and when the people Realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, You know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any Bars or clubs in those days...so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and shit...and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also... so it was pretty cooool...you know with all those fireworks..
Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks..and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding..,that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks..you know,like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know. And,so dude, THAT was how, like, this festival started. Cool! Diwali rocks, Maaann.!!!
"
So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or something... Since he was going, for like, something like more than 10 years or so.. He decided to get his wife and his bro along... you know...so that they Could all chill out together. But DUDE, the forest was reeeeal scary shit... really man...they had monkeys and devils and shit like that. But this dude,Ram, kicked ass with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine.
But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, was our man, and also his bro, Laxman, pissed... And you DON't piss this son-of-a-gun cuz, he just kicks ass And like...,all the gods were with him.. So anyways,you don't mess with gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys..Dude, don't ask me how They trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok... so, Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood.
Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest..and anyways...it gets kinda boring,you know... no TV or malls or shit like that. So, they decided to hitch a ride back home... and when the people Realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, You know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any Bars or clubs in those days...so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and shit...and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also... so it was pretty cooool...you know with all those fireworks..
Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks..and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding..,that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks..you know,like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know. And,so dude, THAT was how, like, this festival started. Cool! Diwali rocks, Maaann.!!!
Understanding a WOMEN
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish." The sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge ..
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge ..
Santa Singh at Interview
One young man went for an IAS Interview.
"When did India get independence?" He was asked.
"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.
"Who was responsible for our independence?"
"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another. " He replied.
"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"
"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.
The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.
When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged.
Then it was the turn of this Santa. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him.
"When did India get independence?" He was asked.
"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.
"Who was responsible for our independence?"
"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another. " He replied.
"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"
"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.
The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.
When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged.
Then it was the turn of this Santa. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him.
" By the way, what is your date of birth?"
He replied, " The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947."
Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. "What is your fathers name?"
He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one, it will be injustice to another".
The interviewer was incensed.
"Hey! Are you mad or what?"
He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report."
He replied, " The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947."
Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. "What is your fathers name?"
He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one, it will be injustice to another".
The interviewer was incensed.
"Hey! Are you mad or what?"
He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report."
Lagey Raho Munnabhai : Jokes
MAMU : Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?
GIRL : Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada?
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MAMU : Bhai, apnay ko char mahinay mein Tamil sikhna padega. Kuch upay batao.
MUNNA BHAI : Kannada kyun, aur char mahinay ka kya chakkar hai?
MAMU : Meinay ek Tamil baccha adopt kiya hai, aur woh char mahinay mein bolne lagay ga.
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Circuit takes a flight to Singapore and he is seated next to an Englishman. Circuit open his tiffin and serves himself a roti.
ENGLISHMAN : What is this?
CIRCUIT : Bread India
Circuit then open the box of jalebi.
ENGLISHMAN : What is this?
CIRCUIT : Sweet India
With all the food he hogged on, Munna farts. The Englishman is offended and in shock asks ...
ENGLISHMAN : What is that?
CIRCUIT : Air India
________________________________
CIRCUIT : Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?
MAMU : Nehin.
CIRCUIT : To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.
________________________________
MUNNA BHAI : Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.
MAMU : Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?
MUNNA BHAI : Yaad nehin hai yaar. Bahut purane baat hai.
________________________________
MUNNA BHAI : Mamu, tu kitna pada hai?
MAMU : B.A.
MUNNA BHAI : Sala, two akshar pada aur woh bhi ulta?
________________________________
MAMU : Oye, maar gayay yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hai.
MAMU KA DOST : Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.
________________________________
CIRCUIT : Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?
SHORT CIRCUIT : Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai.
GIRL : Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada?
________________________________
MAMU : Bhai, apnay ko char mahinay mein Tamil sikhna padega. Kuch upay batao.
MUNNA BHAI : Kannada kyun, aur char mahinay ka kya chakkar hai?
MAMU : Meinay ek Tamil baccha adopt kiya hai, aur woh char mahinay mein bolne lagay ga.
________________________________
Circuit takes a flight to Singapore and he is seated next to an Englishman. Circuit open his tiffin and serves himself a roti.
ENGLISHMAN : What is this?
CIRCUIT : Bread India
Circuit then open the box of jalebi.
ENGLISHMAN : What is this?
CIRCUIT : Sweet India
With all the food he hogged on, Munna farts. The Englishman is offended and in shock asks ...
ENGLISHMAN : What is that?
CIRCUIT : Air India
________________________________
CIRCUIT : Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?
MAMU : Nehin.
CIRCUIT : To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.
________________________________
MUNNA BHAI : Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.
MAMU : Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?
MUNNA BHAI : Yaad nehin hai yaar. Bahut purane baat hai.
________________________________
MUNNA BHAI : Mamu, tu kitna pada hai?
MAMU : B.A.
MUNNA BHAI : Sala, two akshar pada aur woh bhi ulta?
________________________________
MAMU : Oye, maar gayay yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hai.
MAMU KA DOST : Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.
________________________________
CIRCUIT : Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?
SHORT CIRCUIT : Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai.
Munnabhai and Professor
PRINCIPAL : Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.
MUNNA BHAI : Boley to Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu
_____________________________________
PROFESSOR : Akal badi ki bhais?
MUNNA BHAI : Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.
________________________________
PROFESSOR : Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jantey ho?
MUNNA BHAI : Gandhi bahut jabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin malum ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.
MUNNA BHAI : Boley to Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu
_____________________________________
PROFESSOR : Akal badi ki bhais?
MUNNA BHAI : Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.
________________________________
PROFESSOR : Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jantey ho?
MUNNA BHAI : Gandhi bahut jabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin malum ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.
Bihariyoon Ke Surname Ka Namkaran...Very Funny
A BIHARI WAS WORKING IN MUMBAI, AND DID NOT MEET HIS wife for four (4) years while his wife was in Patna (Bihar). At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his
colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son.
His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this "Happy event" happened when he had not seen his wife for four years...
The man said it is common in Bihar that neighbours take care of the wife when men are away.
The colleagues asked him, "What name will you give to the son?"
The man explained, "If its the second neighbour who has taken care,then the name would be "DWIVEDI";
If it is the third neighbour then it would be "TRIVEDI",
If it is the fourth neighbour then it would be "CHATURVEDI" ;
If its the fifth neighbour then it would be "PANDEY"...
After listening to this, questions followed.
What if it is a mixture of neighbours?
"Then the boy would be named "MISHRA"...
And what if the wife is too shy to tell
the name of the neighbour?
Then it would be "SHARMA"...
But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour?
Then the name of the child would be "GUPTA"...
If she does not remember the name then?
"It is YAAD-AV"
But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape?
Then it will be named "DOSHI"...
Finally, if the child happened because of wife's burning desire?
Then he will be named "JOSHI"...
And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival?....
"DESHPANDEY.
colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son.
His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this "Happy event" happened when he had not seen his wife for four years...
The man said it is common in Bihar that neighbours take care of the wife when men are away.
The colleagues asked him, "What name will you give to the son?"
The man explained, "If its the second neighbour who has taken care,then the name would be "DWIVEDI";
If it is the third neighbour then it would be "TRIVEDI",
If it is the fourth neighbour then it would be "CHATURVEDI" ;
If its the fifth neighbour then it would be "PANDEY"...
After listening to this, questions followed.
What if it is a mixture of neighbours?
"Then the boy would be named "MISHRA"...
And what if the wife is too shy to tell
the name of the neighbour?
Then it would be "SHARMA"...
But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour?
Then the name of the child would be "GUPTA"...
If she does not remember the name then?
"It is YAAD-AV"
But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape?
Then it will be named "DOSHI"...
Finally, if the child happened because of wife's burning desire?
Then he will be named "JOSHI"...
And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival?....
"DESHPANDEY.
Student Smarter than Teacher
Student : lara dutta marries brian lara and she becomes lara lara
================================================
Teacher: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gya.
Student: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan....
Some Women Facts..Funny
1) What is the difference between women and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.
2) Why do women always have a stupid look on their faces?
Answer: Because they are...
3) What do women have in common with ceramic tiles?
Answer: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
4) If you drop a women and a brick out of a plane,which one would hit
the ground first?
Answer: Who cares?????.....
5) What did God say after he created woman?
(This ones THE BEST)
Answer: I can do better than this! And then he created man
6) What's the difference between an intelligent woman & a UFO ?
Answer:I don't know, I've never seen either.
7) What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?
Answers: i) no mind ii) no business
8) What makes women chase men when they have no intention of marrying?
Answer: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles when they have no
intention of driving
A: Puppies grow up.
2) Why do women always have a stupid look on their faces?
Answer: Because they are...
3) What do women have in common with ceramic tiles?
Answer: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
4) If you drop a women and a brick out of a plane,which one would hit
the ground first?
Answer: Who cares?????.....
5) What did God say after he created woman?
(This ones THE BEST)
Answer: I can do better than this! And then he created man
6) What's the difference between an intelligent woman & a UFO ?
Answer:I don't know, I've never seen either.
7) What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?
Answers: i) no mind ii) no business
8) What makes women chase men when they have no intention of marrying?
Answer: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles when they have no
intention of driving
More Sardarji Jokes
SARDAR talking on cell.
2ND SARDAR: kis se baat kar raho ho.
1ST: biwi se.....
2ND: itne... pyar se....?
1ST: tumhari hai. . .
================================================
A donkey kicked sardar & ran away
sardar ran to catch the donkey. He saw a zebra & started beating it &
said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.
================================================
SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.
1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.
2.Weakness:Banta' s wife,Preeto.
3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.
4.Threat:When I am on tour
================================================
sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml now it's 1.5 ltr.
================================================
On Jeeto's bday
Sardar had no money, so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.
When he returns home Jeeto said: Thanks I got cheque cashed from bank manager.
================================================
Santa went to mysore palace.
Tourist guide - santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!.
2ND SARDAR: kis se baat kar raho ho.
1ST: biwi se.....
2ND: itne... pyar se....?
1ST: tumhari hai. . .
================================================
A donkey kicked sardar & ran away
sardar ran to catch the donkey. He saw a zebra & started beating it &
said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.
================================================
SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.
1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.
2.Weakness:Banta' s wife,Preeto.
3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.
4.Threat:When I am on tour
================================================
sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml now it's 1.5 ltr.
================================================
On Jeeto's bday
Sardar had no money, so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.
When he returns home Jeeto said: Thanks I got cheque cashed from bank manager.
================================================
Santa went to mysore palace.
Tourist guide - santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!.
Trainee in Mess With MD of company
A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: "Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded: "You fool, you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to ?"
"No" replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, "you idiot!"
The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to,you IDIOT ?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.
"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.
The voice from the other side responded: "You fool, you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to ?"
"No" replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, "you idiot!"
The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to,you IDIOT ?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.
"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.
Jokes on Bollywood Smooch Queen - Mallika Sherawat
Once a Father asked to his son “Do u know who is Sania Mirza”
Son reply “Tennis Player”
Second ques from Father “Do u know who is Mallika Sherawat? ”
Son Reply “Penis Player”
-------------------
Mallika Sherawat ke marne ke baad uski kabr parr likha hoga – “Bechari Pehli baar akeli soyi hai”
-------------------
Mallika Sherawat ko airport customs counter par check karte huye pucha “Matchbox me kya hai?”
Mallika Sherawat ne jawab diya “Pareshan mat karo. Is me mere kapde hain, aur kya?
-------------------
Reporter say to mallika-subah uuth ke sabse pahle aap kya karti hai.?
Mallika reply- subah uthkar sabse pahle main apne ghar chali jati hoon
-------------------
On KBC Mallika was on HotSeat,
AMITABH :-Mallika,What you like most in KBC?
Mallika: Fastest finger first
-------------------
What is Mallika Sherawat’s method of taking revenge?
It’s tits for tat
-------------------
Mallika says to Emran Hashmi…. chahe dunia jitni bhi kare hamare pyar ki birodh, hamare pyar ki raksha karegi super deluxe nirodh..
-------------------
Mallika sherawat’s patriotic song :
“ab tumhare hawale badan sathiyo…”
-------------------
Birthday wish to Birth day boys :
Ishwar kare Hardin Aapki khushiyan Petrol Ke bhav ki badhe, aur aapke gum Mallika Seravat ke Kapdon ki tarah ghaten.
-------------------
Which are the two countries Mallika Sherawat would like to go on a vacation?
Bra’zil and Thai’land
Son reply “Tennis Player”
Second ques from Father “Do u know who is Mallika Sherawat? ”
Son Reply “Penis Player”
-------------------
Mallika Sherawat ke marne ke baad uski kabr parr likha hoga – “Bechari Pehli baar akeli soyi hai”
-------------------
Mallika Sherawat ko airport customs counter par check karte huye pucha “Matchbox me kya hai?”
Mallika Sherawat ne jawab diya “Pareshan mat karo. Is me mere kapde hain, aur kya?
-------------------
Reporter say to mallika-subah uuth ke sabse pahle aap kya karti hai.?
Mallika reply- subah uthkar sabse pahle main apne ghar chali jati hoon
-------------------
On KBC Mallika was on HotSeat,
AMITABH :-Mallika,What you like most in KBC?
Mallika: Fastest finger first
-------------------
What is Mallika Sherawat’s method of taking revenge?
It’s tits for tat
-------------------
Mallika says to Emran Hashmi…. chahe dunia jitni bhi kare hamare pyar ki birodh, hamare pyar ki raksha karegi super deluxe nirodh..
-------------------
Mallika sherawat’s patriotic song :
“ab tumhare hawale badan sathiyo…”
-------------------
Birthday wish to Birth day boys :
Ishwar kare Hardin Aapki khushiyan Petrol Ke bhav ki badhe, aur aapke gum Mallika Seravat ke Kapdon ki tarah ghaten.
-------------------
Which are the two countries Mallika Sherawat would like to go on a vacation?
Bra’zil and Thai’land
Little Boys in Trouble
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are extremely mischievous. They are alwaysgetting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God?!"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "what happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time.
.... GOD is missing, and they think we did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God?!"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "what happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time.
.... GOD is missing, and they think we did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dating at Old Age........!!!
A Grandpa and a Grandma always got very excited when they recalled the old days they were together. They made a decision, one day, to make it "yesterday once more".
They made a date on the river bank they used to go when they were young.
The next day, grandpa got up 6 a.m. In the morning, dashed to the bank, picked up a big bunch of wild flowers before sunrise, waited there for his sweetheart to come.
But Grandpa ended up in disappointment as Grandma never showed up even after sunset.
Grandpa went home in such anger. He opened the door, seeing Grandma lying on the sofa with her pillow. He threw the flowers on the floor and questioned:
"Why didn't you come to our date?!!"
Grandma hid her head in the pillow and replied shyly....
"Mom didn't allow me to go..."
They made a date on the river bank they used to go when they were young.
The next day, grandpa got up 6 a.m. In the morning, dashed to the bank, picked up a big bunch of wild flowers before sunrise, waited there for his sweetheart to come.
But Grandpa ended up in disappointment as Grandma never showed up even after sunset.
Grandpa went home in such anger. He opened the door, seeing Grandma lying on the sofa with her pillow. He threw the flowers on the floor and questioned:
"Why didn't you come to our date?!!"
Grandma hid her head in the pillow and replied shyly....
"Mom didn't allow me to go..."
Honest answers of Interview Questions
1. Why did you apply for this job?
I have applied for many jobs along with this one and it's just that you called me first.
2. Why do you want to work for this company?
I have to work for some company, whoever gives me a job, I don't have any specific company in mind.
3. Why should I hire you?
You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.
4. What would you do if this happened?
Well, it depends on my mindset and mood in that situation...
5. What is your biggest strength?
I dare to join any company who pays me well, without thinking about the fate of company.
6. What is your biggest weakness?
Girls
7. What was your worst mistake and how did you learn from it?
Joining my earlier company and I learnt that I need to switch my job to get more money, so I am here today.
8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job? I could demand more and stay there.
9. Describe a challenge that you faced and how did you overcome it?
Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for a change" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.
10. Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
For the same reason why you left your previous job.
11. What do you want from this job?
No work and good hikes.
12. What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
Making more money and for that I keep switching jobs every two years.
13. What do you know about our company?
I knew you will ask me this question. So, I've gone through your website.
14. What salary are you expecting?
Well, no one will change his job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra than what I am getting right now. I know you will bargain on whatever I ask. So I have already hiked my current salary by 30%.
I have applied for many jobs along with this one and it's just that you called me first.
2. Why do you want to work for this company?
I have to work for some company, whoever gives me a job, I don't have any specific company in mind.
3. Why should I hire you?
You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.
4. What would you do if this happened?
Well, it depends on my mindset and mood in that situation...
5. What is your biggest strength?
I dare to join any company who pays me well, without thinking about the fate of company.
6. What is your biggest weakness?
Girls
7. What was your worst mistake and how did you learn from it?
Joining my earlier company and I learnt that I need to switch my job to get more money, so I am here today.
8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job? I could demand more and stay there.
9. Describe a challenge that you faced and how did you overcome it?
Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for a change" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.
10. Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
For the same reason why you left your previous job.
11. What do you want from this job?
No work and good hikes.
12. What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
Making more money and for that I keep switching jobs every two years.
13. What do you know about our company?
I knew you will ask me this question. So, I've gone through your website.
14. What salary are you expecting?
Well, no one will change his job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra than what I am getting right now. I know you will bargain on whatever I ask. So I have already hiked my current salary by 30%.
No Breaks Allowed.......!!!!!!!!!!
In the coming time the work load will be so much that no breaks will be allowed in offices..
More New Jokes on Sardarji's
Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected". After much thought he wrote: Yes!
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant it's already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.
Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected". After much thought he wrote: Yes!
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant it's already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.
Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".
Why men Lie......The Real Truth
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a Golden axe.
"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a Silver axe.
"Is this your axe?" the lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe.
"Is this your axe?"
the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three
axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happily.
One day while he was walking with his Wife along the riverbank, the
woodcutter's wife fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord
again appeared and asked him,
"Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my Wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.
"Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. "You cheat! That is a lie!!"
The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord.! It is a
misunderstanding.
You see, if I had said 'No' to Jennifer Lopez, You would
come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones .
Then if I also say 'No' to her, You
would thirdly come up with My Wife,
and I would say ' Yes,' and then all three will be given to me,
as you did the Axe's ;
But Lord, I am a poor man and I will not be able to take care of all three Wives,
so that's why I said Yes the first time."
The moral of the story is whenever a man lies it is for an honourable reason.
When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a Golden axe.
"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a Silver axe.
"Is this your axe?" the lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe.
"Is this your axe?"
the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three
axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happily.
One day while he was walking with his Wife along the riverbank, the
woodcutter's wife fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord
again appeared and asked him,
"Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my Wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.
"Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. "You cheat! That is a lie!!"
The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord.! It is a
misunderstanding.
You see, if I had said 'No' to Jennifer Lopez, You would
come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones .
Then if I also say 'No' to her, You
would thirdly come up with My Wife,
and I would say ' Yes,' and then all three will be given to me,
as you did the Axe's ;
But Lord, I am a poor man and I will not be able to take care of all three Wives,
so that's why I said Yes the first time."
The moral of the story is whenever a man lies it is for an honourable reason.
Some More Jokes on Teachers and Students
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.
A Student stands up- we must find & stop her!.
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Student: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
Teacher : How old is your father?
Student : As old as me.
Teacher : How can that be?
Student : He became a father only when I was born
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
A Student stands up- we must find & stop her!.
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Student: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
Teacher : How old is your father?
Student : As old as me.
Teacher : How can that be?
Student : He became a father only when I was born
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
Sardar In Conversation With Others
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have
posted it....
_________________________________
Sardar : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Sardar : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Sardar : It's addressed to Mumbai.
_________________________________
Sardar Thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd Thief : But this is the 13th floor.
Sardar Thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions
_________________________________
Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag
Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
_________________________________
Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..?
biwi: Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have
posted it....
_________________________________
Sardar : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Sardar : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Sardar : It's addressed to Mumbai.
_________________________________
Sardar Thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd Thief : But this is the 13th floor.
Sardar Thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions
_________________________________
Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag
Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
_________________________________
Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..?
biwi: Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.
Jokes on Husband Wife
Man before Marriage I like Airtel...."Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan"
After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our Network Follows."
They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ...??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our Network Follows."
They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ...??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
Dinner With Girlfriend's Parents
Dinner With Girlfriend's Parents
A girl asks her boyfriend, to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announced to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the counter, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy: a 3-pack, 10-pack, or a family pack. "I'm really going to give it to this girl," the boy tells the pharmacist. "I intend to go for hours and hours." The pharmacist, with a laugh, suggests the family pack, saying the boy will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meet his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer with his head down. 10 minutes passes and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend finally leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious. " The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!!"
Smart Answers....
HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours!!
HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!
HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!
HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!
HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!
HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?
HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!!!
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.
HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours!!
HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!
HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!
HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!
HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!
HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?
HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!!!
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.
HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Why is HONEY golden in color?
A) Because of the Sun the flowers receive?
B) Because Flower Pollen is naturally Golden?
C) Because it's manufactured that way?
D) I don't know.
.
.
.
.
The answer may be found below.
.
.
.
A little lower...
.
.
Just a little lower now...
.
B) Because Flower Pollen is naturally Golden?
C) Because it's manufactured that way?
D) I don't know.
.
.
.
.
The answer may be found below.
.
.
.
A little lower...
.
.
Just a little lower now...
.
Monday, September 21, 2009
One Line Humor.........
[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband !
[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something
[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak !
[22] Man : Is there any way for long life ?
Dr : Get married.
Man : Will it help ?
Dr : No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
[23] Why do couples hold hands during their wedding ? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins !
[24] Wife : Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do ?
Husband : Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
[25] It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
[26] There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
[27] There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it !
[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband !
[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something
[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak !
[22] Man : Is there any way for long life ?
Dr : Get married.
Man : Will it help ?
Dr : No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
[23] Why do couples hold hands during their wedding ? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins !
[24] Wife : Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do ?
Husband : Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
[25] It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
[26] There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
[27] There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it !
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